Abuse in a relationship isn’t always physical; it can be emotional or mental as well. But the one thing that stays true in all abusive relationships is that they are unhealthy, and not something you want to find yourself in. There are many signs that your partner and you might have an unhealthy relationship, but we’ve narrowed down the main ones that we’ve seen in our clients.
- They control you with kindness. An abusive partner will pinpoint your insecurities and use them to their advantage. However, they wont bring you down by pointing them out – instead they’ll compliment you in the areas of yourself that you feel weak. Such as telling you that you look beautiful in the morning when you know that you don’t, or saying you’ve lost weight. They do this so that they are your source of comfort, the one you come running to when you’ve had a bad day.
- They blame you for getting upset. Does your partner ever get upset at you for being upset? When you argue do they tell you that you’re too sensitive or that you’re overreacting? If they do, then you’ve found yourself in an unhealthy dynamic. Your partner should never make you feel bad for being upset with them. If they’re a mature adult, they should be able to listen to you and figure out how to fix the problem.
- They constantly need you. An abusive partner will make you feel like you have to stay with them. They will use threats such as hurting themselves to get you to stick around and put up with their problems. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by your partner. If you truly feel that if you leave they will in fact hurt themselves, let someone else in their life know. Don’t stick around in a relationship for the other person.
- They don’t get along with anyone from their past. Take into account how many of your partner’s former friends or exes have told you that your partner is bad news. Is it a lot? Maybe what seems like everyone they’ve ever known? That isn’t normal…if everyone in their past has a problem with your partner, its probably your partner’s fault.
- They have a short temper. Do they get angry with you a lot? Do they get angry in general a lot? You should be wary of someone who heats up very quickly because even if the anger isn’t directed at you now, it could only be a matter of time before you find yourself in a dangerous situation.
- They keep hold of your heart. Don’t allow yourself to be tricked into the feeling that love is the only thing you need in this world. No one is destined to end up with someone who hurts them. If you get out of this unhealthy relationship, you will definitely find love again, and you’ll know what signs to look out for. Put yourself and your heart first.