http://blog.mediationandcounseling.com/blog/women-returning-to-the-workforce

Children AND Divorce

by Dana Greco /
April 24, 2018 /
children and divorceAs divorce mediators and family therapist who work with many families separating, their biggest challenge besides the finances are the children.

It’s very important to note that many of the fathers tend to assume mom is the most important parent. On the average it’s true that mom does hold a very important role, as she keeps the organization and scheduling. Although more recently in the last couple of generations we see a lot more dads involved on a daily level.  With both mom and dad equally or quasi equally participating, children and divorce has become a bigger impact.

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Back in the 70’s or around there when divorce was becoming more frequent the impact on the children with the dad out of the house was an adjustment, maybe, but NOT as impactful as it is today.

Father’s have been given the title “ provider, head of household”. These titles are traditional and yet they are still the norm. However, many mom’s have stepped up and are contributing to the household finances and are out of the home working. Statistics show that with two parents working 70% of the domestic chores still fall on mom. This frustration for women has caused much tension and sometimes leads to actual divorce.

So how is it that dad and the new nuclear family is now a great loss for the kids? Whereas in the past the children would “visit” the dad every other week and that seemed to be enough for everyone. Dad’s may not be planning birthday parties, or scheduling after school activities or carting the kids from school and play-dates but dads ARE more emotionally vested in the children’s over all welfare. They talk about the children’s needs much of the time. They take more pride in being physically and emotionally informed of what is going on with their kids.

While relationships between mom and dad may not be good or bad, the new norm is that they talk more about the children on a daily basis. The dad does know about school, grades, doctors appointments. So, when separation and divorce interrupts the household and dad moves out, shared parenting is essential 50/50 as much as possible. Because the identity that dad loses is not only “head of household or provider” it is caretaker, dad, and parent partner.

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Dana and Don, are co-founders of The Mediation and Family Counseling Group.   We can be reached at www.mediationandcounseling.com, info@mediationandcounseling.com or 1-888-281-2725.

 

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