Is your spouse combative, and controlling? Does he or she project negative characteristics onto you? Do they get jealous of anyone or anything that has your attention? If your spouse displays the symptoms above, then he or she is a narcissist.
Divorcing a narcissist can be one of the hardest battles in your life. At the same time, while your marriage to a narcissist might have been misery, divorcing he or she can be achingly excruciating, making your marriage seem like a cake walk.
Living with a narcissist could be a real nightmare. Now, can you imagine divorcing such a person? Not only will the experience be unpleasant, but the divorce may be a full-blown travesty. Want to know the strategies for keeping conflict at a minimum during divorce from a narcissist?
Divorce Mediation has become the preferred method of resolving a divorce. It may seem a bit difficult to go through with your narcissistic spouse, but it is possible, and will be easier than going through a long and not to mention expensive legal battle.
Here are the top five tips to get you started and to show you that Divorce Mediation with a Narcissist is Possible
1. Protect Yourself in Writing
Narcissists are good at manipulation and trickery. It is common for such people to blame others for their problems rather than accept responsibility. Not only will they blame you, but their kids, and even friends who do not side with them.
Reasoning with a true narcissist is difficult. Even when you employ sound communication skills, it won’t be straightforward for you to convince them. To minimize conflict, get everything in writing. That means communicating with your spouse, attorney or mediator via email and texts.
When you get everything in writing, not only do you reflect your thoughts, but you have a written record of your communication. This serves as evidence of their abusive and manipulative ways. It’s essential to keep your texts and messages short and neutral.
Apart from your divorce process, it would be best if you also got everything in writing when it comes to alimony in New York, custody, and New York child support orders. During the divorce process, you and your spouse may have a casual agreement on child custody or visitations.
This casual agreement will probably be in verbal form. What you need to know is that such a contract can backfire on you. Your narcissistic spouse can deny ever making such an agreement with you.
If you want to establish temporary child custody orders during the divorce, talk to your attorney or mediator and inform he or she about your spouse.
2. Have the Official Financial Documentation with You
Before your divorce begins, it’s wise to gather your financial paperwork. Your attorney or mediator will require the information related to your assets, debts, and property. The documents should include individual or joint tax returns, paycheck stubs, and statements of net worth.
You should also provide bank statements, credit card bills, and retirement account information.
The reason you need to gather your financial paperwork is that your spouse can say they paid for the mortgage using separate funds. The reason for reporting is to retain the total interest in the marital home.
The good news is, the financial paperwork, especially the tax returns and credit report can prove whether this is true or not. In some cases, the narcissistic spouse may decide to hide assets as a way of exacting revenge on the reasonable spouse for divorcing him or her.
With the financial documentation, you can prove otherwise. It’s essential to run a credit report if your spouse was in control of your finances as well.
3. Surround Yourself with a Positive Support System
As a reasonable spouse, it is wise to surround yourself with an understanding support system. Not only will they be there for you and the kids, but they will never doubt your honesty when you communicate what you are going through.
Apart from surrounding yourself with understanding family and friends, you need to set and stick to your boundaries. Narcissists do not respect other people’s boundaries. This means, when you were married, your needs were unmet.
Since your narcissistic spouse did not allow you to set boundaries in your marriage, you can do so in your divorce. Establishing your limitations will help in setting the tone for a better divorce experience.
You may also seek a professional for Post-Divorce Counseling. You never know what your emotions will be after a divorce, therefore, to have a healthy state of mine, try to have a qualified counselor to help you during and after your divorce.
4. Let Your Narcissistic Spouse “Win” a Few Fights
It sounds crazy to allow your narcissistic spouse to win a few battles, but what you need to know is that it’s one of the best strategies. As you already know, a narcissist plays a victim, and loves to win.
To ensure your narcissistic spouse feels like he or she has won, find ways to make him or her feel or look right. The key is to ensure that your narcissist spouse feels he or she has won without you losing things that are important to you.
This is not easy, but if you are mindful, realistic, and honest with yourself, you can make it work for the sake of your sanity and that of your kids.
5. Stay out of Court; Seek Mediation Instead
Narcissists love drama, and the courtroom is the best theater. If your divorce heads to the court, your narcissistic spouse will fuel the fire. As you already know, your narcissistic spouse can be charming if it serves his or her interests. If he or she charmed you, then they may try to attract the judge as well.
Before your spouse’s true colors show, you will have made several court appearances. If he or she is a good actor, your spouse will make the judge possibly think you are the crazy one. To avoid court drama, consider Divorce Mediation.
Divorce Mediation with a Narcissist is Possible with Our Help.
Now that you have read the above information and know that Divorce Mediation with a Narcissist is Possible, it’s time to get help from a qualified Mediation Group.
Regardless of what course you take, your divorce from a narcissist will not be easy. However, it can be feasible. And just like every other person who enters this process, narcissistic spouse or not, just know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The Mediation and Family Counseling Group offers the services of a Licensed Family and Couples Therapist that can help your divorce from a Narcissist be less chaotic and more of a stable process for all parties involved, children included.
Let the Mediation and Family Counseling Group help you discover that Divorce mediation can be a great way to resolve your divorce. Keep in mind that nobody ever actually wants a divorce. What we crave are accomplished and viable relationships. Let us help settle the issues in your divorce in a civilized manner without the expense of going to court or fighting at trial.
Also, when mediating with the Mediation and Family Counseling Group, you will have access to a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. This will help you come to a quick resolution with the best outcome financially for the family.
Are you looking for more information on divorce mediation tips to help you get through your divorce from a narcissist? Call us at 1-800-945-6802 or find our closest location at The Mediation and Family Counseling Group www.mediationandcounseling.com . We can give you divorce mediation tips to help you reach a solution everyone agrees on.