Feeling Disrespected in Marriage
You are feeling disrespected in your marriage. What’s going on? Your husband doesn’t respect you anymore, so it seems? But he used to
What is it About Your Husband That Makes Him Disrespect You?
As soon as the honeymoon is over, some men just become disrespectful while others gradually become disrespectful over after several years. This article will focus on three specific types of disrespectful husbands: The Manipulative Husband, the Selfish Husband, and the Reactive Husband. Having more knowledge about these men will help you get more respect.
The Manipulative Husband
The manipulative husband most likely while growing up had parents or past relationships with people who had rules and standards; but didn’t enforce them. People with good standards but poor barriers make it clear what they expect, but when others act up they merely criticizeit. Men learn with this kind of parents or partners that they can do whatever they please. They lie to avoid conflict and get what they want. They get good at pushing other people’s buttons and know how to intimidate. They often marry spouses who will give in to them to avoid conflict or for fear of losing the marriage. Conflict will not be disquieting for this kind of husband, since it is just an extension of what he’s used to from the past. The tool of disrespect is used by a manipulative husband simply to enable him to continue the lifestyle that best suits him. When he’s nice, he’s fun to be with, but when he’s upset, watch out! The manipulative husband doesn’t respect anyone who has less power than him.
The Selfish Husband
Disrespectful behavior is a learned behavior. This type of husband may have had parents (or ex-wives, old girlfriends) that had no standards and allowed him to do whatever he wanted. Can you imagine that such men would learn to be appreciative and show that appreciation by being respectful? Not likely. These men become selfish and self-focused. Their disrespect in marriage starts almost from day one. They have been trained to believe that the world revolves around them. If you have a husband like this, he probably lacks understanding for you and has a hard time accepting why you get so upset. If you complain to him, he will see you as the problem. The selfish husband does not respect for anything or anyone.
The Reactive Husband
The best of parents or partners show plenty of love, affection, and attention. But, they don’t let their children or significant others get away with bad behavior. Consequently, the children (or partners) are a little angry or disappointed with the corrective action, but they don’t go crazy. These men loved their parents and their parents loved them. They learned early on that having tantrums really doesn’t help, nor does arguing. More Importantly, the good times with their parents or partners far outnumbered their conflicts. In marriage, they understand the importance of give and take and can sacrifice for the good of the family. If they are treated badly, they will initially work to improve things, but then gradually abandon the marriage. It is at that time that they will become disrespectful. Their disrespect is a reaction to being rejected. The reactive husband doesn’t respect people who won’t play fair.
Wives Add to the Problem and Can also Help Train Husbands to be Disrespectful
Just like their husbands, wives can bring their own set of baggage from childhood and previous relationships to the marriage. They may not know how to balance love and boundaries. Therefore, they let their husbands do anything while they are patient. Or, they may nag and withhold affection in useless efforts to get their husbands to behave better. In both cases, the husband becomes scheming and the wife wonders why she is getting so much rejection. She craves companionship and love, but all he seems to want is to take care of himself (and to be taken care of). The marriage seems terribly unfair because he gets everything he wants and when she wants something, there is hell to pay. On the other hand, some wives mistreat good husbands, either through controlling behavior or by with holding sex or affection. When this happens, it is often because of unrealistic beliefs she has or because her husband made mistakes that she always holds against him. Even good men can make mistakes.
How Can You be a Good Wife When Your Husband Doesn’t Respect You?
The message here is that with the right attitude, you can start to “understand” your husband and create change. He is not “bad,” and he’s not trying to make your life as miserable as possible. He needs love and affection, just like you do. From his perspective, he is doing his best. He may be as frustrated as you because what he is doing is not working to make a better relationship. No man, no matter how disrespectful, wants to have a bad relationship. He wants to get his way, yes. He wants you to see him as special, yes. He does not want to have a bad relationship. Since he can’t see the solution to these problems, he focuses on taking care of himself the way he knows how. You are going to need to stop just trying to take care of yourself and instead be the one to initiate change, in order to help him.
What are the Next Steps
Disrespectful men are men who avoid taking responsibility for problems. They don’t want to work together in therapy and will sabotage therapy if they feel blamed. To improve your marriage to a disrespectful man, you can work on creating boundaries around behaviors which are damaging your marriage. You will also need to help himchange the way he talks to you. And, if your marriage already has severe problems due to lack of respect, it is not too late, but you will probably need to get some marriage counseling or professional coaching to improve your marriage.
Even if it is totally stupid or infantile, you must go with it when you are married to show someone how much you respect them. If you allow someone who is supposed to be your best friend, your support system, and your partner in life, treat you with anything less than the respect you deserve, then someday you will wake up, look around, and feel bottomed out.
-In Marriage disagreements are inevitable, but disrespect is optional. – Dave Willis