In a relationship, every person has his or her own individual personal needs to feel love from their spouse. There are five main needs that people have in romantic relationships. They are:
This love need is one in which people use words to build up the other person. An example of a way a partner can use this is: “Thanks for washing the dishes, honey.” It is as simple as just acknowledging that your partner is doing his or her part and helping. Another example may be: “You look really beautiful/handsome tonight in that outfit.” Being verbally supportive is all about building up your partner using words to make him/her feel loved.
Tokens of Gratitude:
Make no mistake, a person who has this need is not materialistic, but rather appreciates the thought behind the token of gratitude itself. A token does not necessarily have to be costly, but rather serves the purpose of showing your partner you pay attention and were thinking of him or her. Some good examples of gifts include: picking up his/her favorite ice cream at the store, surprising him/her with flowers, or even putting together a picture frame of the two of you. Gifts are all about showing your partner that your he/she is on your mind to make him/her feel loved.
Lending a Helping Hand
This love need is all about doing something for your partner that you know he or she would appreciate to take the load off him or her for a night. Some examples of acts of service include: Cooking dinner after a busy day, clean the bathrooms even though it is your least favorite chore, or even dusting the snow off the car and starting the car on a cold winter morning so your partner does not have to stand in the cold. The partner with this need feels loved when someone does an undesirable deed so that he or she does not have to.
Devoted Time Together:
This is all about undivided attention. This love need may seem easy, but the underlying meaning is what many fail to understand. For example, sitting and talking while making eye contact with your partner, rather than talking to him/her while watching a show on the TV. Another example is having a hobby together that both partners truly enjoy and do for the time together rather than the activity itself. This love need is all about focused attention and togetherness, rather than distracted attention.
This love need is all about physical closeness and tender touches. Some may think this only means sexual intercourse, however there are so many more complex examples of physical touch. Physical affection could mean a kiss in the car before work, holding hands while going grocery shopping, or something as simple as touching his/her leg while sitting and watching your favorite show together. The partner with this love need feels the most loved when he or she is experiencing a physical bond.
Now that we have explored the different love languages, it is important to note that each person in a relationship has a primary love need out of these five that speaks more deeply to you than all the others. The best way to keep the spark and “in-love” emotions alive is by learning how to understand the love needs of your partner and learning how to cater your actions to your partner’s love needs. Additionally, while learning your partner’s love needs, it is also a great time to discover your own love needs in a relationship, because that can help you communicate what you want and need from your partner. Knowing how your partner gives and receives love can be a step in the right direction to getting the love and spark back that you once had.
Call us at 800-945-6802 or find our closest location for The Mediation and Family Counseling Group www.mediationandcounseling.com to help if you feel you are afraid of divorce. We want to help calm your fears.