getting the excitment back in conversation
This pandemic is either going to “make us” or “break us”. Many of us are not accustomed to spending this much time together, so how is this going to work? The hopeful, say, “look we are now stuck inside the house together, we have no choice but to make our relationship work.” That was told to me by someone who feels he is not understood, nor heard when he speaks his mind and his feelings. Yet, hopeful that within this time, there is a chance for improvement.
Here is a good opportunity to learn better communication tools to make the most of your togetherness.
Know the difference between “broadcasting” and “dialogue”. In our busy lives, many couples are guilty of doing more what is known as “broadcasting”. For example, “Honey, I have to bring the car in for an inspection.” “Ok, and the plumber is coming on Thursday to fix the water pump”. “The dog needs to go to the vet”. Exchanges of information but not a lot of depth.
Recently a husband told me when I asked what he thought his wife’s childhood was like, he replied (married 12 years), “ I never asked, I thought it was personal and I didn’t want to pry.” She, on the other hand believes they lack intimacy and I agree. Sharing feelings, thoughts and history weaves a closer connection.
The true definition of intimacy is, allowing oneself to be vulnerable enough to be hurt to the core if betrayed by your partner, yet trust that they won’t.
When having a conversation, not a broadcast, remember to make eye contact while listening to each other.
Really, listen. With an open mind, open heart and curiosity in what your partner is trying to express.
Know the styles of your communication. There are as many styles of communicating as there are shoes.
Ask your partner once you begin a discussion that has the potential to escalate into an argument, (history proves this) Start with… at the end of this discussion I hope we can … (fill in the blank).
Since everyone is contained now and can’t run, taking the time to learn better communication skills. This can relieve the tension and eliminate the misunderstanding.
No one should fear addressing issues, frustrated that the other side assumes what they are going to hear, is the same thing as always. You might be surprised and learn something new.