Being cheated on can feel like the end of the world and as if you’ll never be able to get back to how things were at their peak. However, if you acknowledge the problem and take the time to solve it, it’s completely possible to get back on track.
- Practice gratitude. Take the time to focus on what you like and appreciate about your partner. Don’t focus on what happened, just focus on rebuilding the foundation of your marriage by taking a moment or two to focus on the positive parts of your partner.
- Face your feelings. When we are hurt, we try to fight, judge, or rationalize. But if you take the extra minute to look into your heart and find out why you are hurting, you’ll start to feel better. You are mad at your partner, but you may also be mad at yourself for thinking you did something that caused this. Don’t dwell on this feeling of inadequacy but instead focus on the solution you are seeking rather than the problem at hand.
- Develop a deeper level of intimacy. Infidelity is rarely about sex, and rather is about an unmet need of intimacy. Learn how to spend time and do things together to regain that sense of intimacy. Rediscover what made you fall in love with each other in the first place.
- Ask about what you need to know, not what you don’t. Ask your partner the necessary questions – how long did the relationship last, was it physical/sexual or just emotional, and how much money was spent to cover it up and allow it to continue? However, don’t ask questions about what you don’t need to know such as the intimate x-rated details or comparisons between you and them.
- Recommit yourself to the relationship. If you decide you want to stay together and work on the marriage then you need to act like you mean it. Find a therapist who focuses on infidelity because it happened for a reason and you won’t be able to rebuild the relationship if you don’t find out what that reason is.
- Start fresh. Each of you will have to heal in your own way and one person will take longer than the other. Rebuild the trust you have in one another – if you tell your partner you love them, back it up with loving actions. Seek new friendships with people who have been married for a long time and can share new insight on what works for them. But remember that what works for one couple might not work for you. Be open and willing to allow the hurt you feel to be a part of your past, not your present, and focus on how you can avoid feeling that pain again.
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Contact us at the Mediation & Family Counseling Group at 1-888-281-2725 so we can help you take the next steps in saving your marriage.