Steps on How to Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless

November 13, 2019 /

It can be frustrating and frightening to think your marriage is over. However, it may not be necessary to give up on your spouse and your relationship. In nearly all marriages, problems can lead to feelings of hopelessness. If you want to save your marriage, it is possible to do so. Regardless of how hopeless you feel, you can restore and rebuild your relationship.Steps on How to Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless

Let’s look at Steps on How to Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless. Don’t despair!  Even if just one of you wants to save your marriage, hope can be revived, and love can be rekindled.

Saving Your Marriage: Look at The Facts

While most troubled marriages can be saved, it is not always the best option. Before you take steps to protect your union, consider an important point. Successfully restoring a marriage requires commitment from both spouses.

Perhaps you can convince your partner that your relationship is worth the effort. If your partner is determined to leave, though, pressing the issue can result in disappointment and heartache. You need to know where your spouse stands before you act.

1. Start with a list

In some marriages, couples file for divorce without knowing the reasons the marriage is troubled. In some cases, issues that cause extreme pain or anger to one person may not bother the other.  The first step is to write a list. List all the problems you are experiencing and ask your spouse to do the same.

When you compare lists, it can be quite revealing. There will be minor annoyances that can quickly be resolved, issues that are difficult to understand, and deal-breakers. Even deal-breakers do not necessarily mean the marriage is over. If both partners cooperate, communicate, and are willing to make changes, a marriage that seems hopeless can be saved.


 2. Stop negative patterns

Negative patterns are not limited to troubled marriages. They can occur in healthy, and happy marriages also.  When your marriage is on the rocks, though, destructive patterns must be addressed.

Some patterns can make it challenging to have a happy relationship. Common examples include: refusing to discuss differences, sarcasm, verbal abuse, blaming the other person, and bringing up past mistakes that are no longer relevant.

You can end these patterns with excellent communication skills and mutual respect. You and your spouse can learn to talk openly with each other and listen to what the other person has to say.

 3. Renew your commitment

Regardless of how long you have been married, your wedding day was a meaningful occasion. It was more than a beautiful day that you shared with family members and friends. Your marriage began with a commitment to share your lives.

Take some time to think of how you arrived at that day. Whether it was the result of a whirlwind courtship or whether you had been together for many years, you and your partner loved each other, enjoyed each other's company, and looked forward to the future.

You can renew your commitment by remembering and recreating the earlier stages in your relationship. One reason marriages fail is because couples stop seeing their relationship as a priority. With jobs, children, friends, and outside activities, less time is devoted to the relationship.

No matter how busy your everyday life is, you and your spouse need time together. Think of interests you had in common during those early days, and experiences you shared. Perhaps you both participated in a community activity, shared a favorite hobby, or went out to dinner every Friday night.

When you and your spouse start to enjoy those same activities today, it can rekindle the feelings you had when your relationship was new. You can begin to feel like newlyweds in love. Your future will look bright again and full of hope and promise.

When you want your relationship to feel new, small gestures mean a lot. It can be as simple as tucking a love note or card in your partner's lunch bag or leaving a favorite treat on his pillow. Small acts of kindness can make your spouse feel consequential and special.

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 4. Know what to do about deal-breakers

Deal-breakers can result in divorce if deemed as irreconcilable differences. If you know how to proceed, your marriage does not need to be over.

Some of the most common deal-breakers include addictions, affairs, and power struggles. While these issues can be dealt with, it requires commitment and patience from both the person who is engaging in the behavior and the person who has been living with it.

If you or your spouse has been cheating, wants to be in control in every situation, or is struggling with substance abuse, do not try to cope with it alone. It is time to find help from a professional.

 5. Save your marriage with outside help.

Saving your marriage is not always possible without assistance. In some cases, it can make the situation worse. Instead of trying to solve everything on your own, consider marriage counseling.

Couples therapy can be useful when your marriage is in trouble. A therapist can help you see your marriage is not hopeless and provide advice and guidance to restore your relationship.

If you are not familiar with marriage counseling, you may wonder what to expect. A good counselor is impartial. He or she is trained not to take sides and to not assign blame for problems in the marriage.

Your counselor can help you understand your relationship, and help each partner understand the other. Your counselor can help you resolve the conflicts within your marriage. He or she will help you set marriage relationship goals and provide solid advice on how to reach those goals.

When you are considering outside help, there is a crucial point to keep in mind. Marriage counselors are professionals who are trained to be neutral. Your friends and family members do not share these characteristics. Your loved ones may care about you, but they are not able to offer sound advice and guidance. They are likely to take sides and provide information that can be harmful. Outside help should come from a licensed, and experienced marriage counselor.

6. Find reasons to appreciate your spouse.

Relationships can deteriorate when partners take each other for granted. Spouses can feel their marriage is in trouble because they no longer feel appreciated.

It does not take much effort to change this pattern. Whether your everyday life consists of a full-time job, caring for small children, or outside interests, take a few minutes each day to make sure your spouse feels appreciated, cared for, and loved.

Perhaps your partner made an especially delicious dinner, looked beautiful in a new outfit, or received a promotion at work. From a hug, to a "Thank You" or even sincere compliments, there is something you can acknowledge each day. Whenever you recognize something unique, special, or noteworthy, it will make your spouse happy. It can also help strengthen the deep emotional connection and love between you and your partner.

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Saving a marriage is not impossible. It does not need to be a painful, complicated process. The feelings of hopelessness will start to disappear, and you will see a new, fresh beginning to your relationship. When you start with these steps on how to save your marriage, the loving bond you had in the past can be part of your life again.

Almost any fragile or troubled relationship can be saved, if both parties in a marriage are open to counseling. Yet, both parties must understand that it’s a process, and there is no quick fix.  Both parties must be ready and willing to put in the work and to take a professional’s advice when given or needed.

Call us at 1-800-945-6802 or find our closest location at The Mediation and Family Counseling Group, Let Mediation and Family Counseling Group help you work on needed Steps on How to Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless and get your marriage back on track today.


Award Winning Authors

Dana and Don

Divorce Mediatiors and Marriage Experts


Divorce Mediators, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Divorce Coach, Divorce Preparation, Marriage Experts


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