Parental alienation is a horrible thing that ends up being a big part of many
divorces. What it consists of is one parent (the alienator) continuously putting down and/or saying horrible things about the other parent (the target) in front of the children, and sometimes others in their lives – such as friends, family members, and lawyers. In our line of work, we have and continue to come across many cases where the children are being brainwashed by the alienator to believe that the target parent is unfit to be a parent and we want to help you be aware of the different types of parental alienators there are.
- Naïve….“Your father has more money than I do, so let him pay for your new uniform.” Naïve alienators usually have good intentions and understand it is important for their children to spend time with the other parent, however sometimes they say things that are seen as negative. Naïve alienators don’t intend to make the other parent a target for their hurt over the divorce.
- Active….”Don’t tell your father that I have this extra money or he’ll try and take it away and we won’t be able to go on our vacation like last time.” Active alienators often act out of temporary anger or rage, and lash out on the other parent in front of the children. Their problem comes more from lack of self-control rather than from belief that the other parent is truly in the wrong. Active alienators tend to comply well with court orders but can be uncooperative with the other parent.
- Obsessed….”Even though their father has never done anything to them I know that they are frightened of him and if they don’t want to see him I won’t force them.” Obsessed parents are most severe types. They are obsessed with destroying their children’s relationships with the other parent and will say or do whatever they can to keep their children away from the other one. They tend to believe that the other parent has victimized them and refuse to let the same thing happen to their children, and therefore will try to get the court to punish the other parent by blocking them from seeing the children
It is MOST important to remember that if you are speaking badly about your children's other parent, then you are speaking badly about 50% of your child, because they are made up of both you and the other parent.
Contact us at The Mediation and Family Counseling Group www.mediationandcounseling.com to keep yourself safe from parental alienation and to find out more about our upcoming presentation at Nassau Community College about the effects of divorce on the family system. Call us to reserve your spot.