Life becomes routine and sometimes you can lose track of who you both are in your relationship. What brought you together in the first place? Whyd did we fall in love? Was it heart throbbing chemistry? Was it that you looked forward to seeing each other when you were dating, and each of you felt a jolt in your body when you held hands or kissed? Maybe it wasn't that crazy but maybe it was that you felt that other understood you, that she laughed at your jokes, or that he looked into your eyes and really wanted to capture your spirit. Whichever it was, you both felt that there was a reason he or she stood out from all the rest, that this one was "the one". Now, years later, the jolt is not as strong, the hot passion has simmered but there is still a bond.
In mature love, which is what it is called after years of marriage, there is a history. You have both grown together, you have conquered obstacles, and you have created a life together. Chances are that there is no one else out there that knows you as well as your partner. Sometimes that can be a bad thing and work against the relationship, but what if we took a look at the good things that you know about each other? Remember to recall the vulnerable component of your partner. The time he cried over the loss of a family member or the heartbreak he felt when the family pet was laid to rest or the way he lights up when he sees his child accomplish something new. What about her, when you saw her laugh so hard you saw that spirit of yesteryear or the way she looks in the morning, young again, youthful in her t-shirt and shorts. How about the way she held on through all the years of financial strife and trying to make ends meet? During these difficult times we know it is challenging to see the brighter side of your relationship but this is the real stuff that life is made of. Take some time with your partner, or on your own, to reflect on what attracted you to each other in the beginning. Sometimes taking the time to reflect will reveal how important it is to try and work on the marriage.
If you are stuck and not sure if you should Resolve or Dissolve, please contact Dana and Don at the Mediation and Family Counseling Group for a FREE Consultation.